Alien vs. Predator Film Review

by The Wanderer

Director: Paul W. S. Anderson

Cast: Sanaa Lathan, Lance Henriksen, Raoul Bova, Ewen Bremner, Colin Salmon

Series: Alien/ Predator (Crossover), Alien vs. Predator

MPAA Rating: R

Length: 101 minutes

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Alien vs. Predator

(Spoilers for the previous Alien and Predator films below).


If you thought it was possible for the Alien franchise to fall any further than it did after Alien Resurrection, think again.  Alien vs. Predator is awarded the task to ruin not one great science fiction franchise, but two.

This has nearly all the makings of a terrible film: one dimensional characters, terrible acting, a plot that undermines previous installments in both Predator and Alien franchises, and scenes that defy logic in ways that would insult any casual action film fan.

A new low for Predator, a new low for Alien – as the monsters from each tired franchise battle each other for supremacy, I find myself wanting both monsters to die so Hollywood can’t make any more of these terrible movies.  Regrettably, in AVP, you can’t always get what you want.

Poultrygeist Film Review

by The World Weary

Director: Lloyd Kaufman 

Cast: Jason Yachanin, Kate Graham, Allyson Sereboff, Lloyd Kaufman

MPAA Rating: No Rating

Length: 103 Minutes

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Deep Fried Stupidity

 

I’d never seen any of Troma’s releases before Poultrygeist, however, I seem to have a fair understanding of what they’re all about. From how it seems, Troma exclusively makes low brow, horror comedies, with an emphasis on gross out humor. I’m not adverse to of the wall gore fests, one of my favorite movies is Evil Dead 2. So, as I looked for something new to review, I stumbled across Poultrygeist and decided to give it a try. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.

Battleship Film Review

by The World Weary

Director: Peter Berg
Cast: Taylor Kitsch, Alexander Skarsgard, Brooklyn Decker, Liam Neeson, Tadanabu Osano
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Length: 131 Minutes

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Battle Shits!

Battleship is a witless excuse for a film that spends its two hour running time trying to amaze you with CGI gimmicks ripped straight from Michael Bay. The characters are paper thin and horrifically acted, and every scene with dialogue in it will leave a bitter taste in your brain. Some movies are so bad they’re funny. This movie is only like that for the first few minutes. Soon, however, you realize to your horror that this movie isn’t ending.

Sharknado Film Review

by The Wanderer 

Director: Thunder Levin
Cast: Tara Reid, Cassie Scerbo, Jason Simmons, John Heard, Ian Ziering
Series: Sharknado
MPAA Rating: R
Length: 85 Minutes

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Why?


Sharknado plunges head first into the world of making intentionally terrible movies.  The trade off for making these types of crappy movies is that you get to see some unique, albeit absolutely ridiculous, forms of entertainment.  In this film it comes in the form of sharks in hurricanes and tornadoes.
Badly acted, poorly written, and completely unrealistic are the aesthetics that make Sharknado.  So do viewers get the trade off for having to suffer through all of that? Not until the final the final 20 minutes, and even then it isn’t all too spectacular.